Monday, August 21, 2017

Lost 20 lbs! Then binged :(

So yesterday was a clusterfuck. I stepped on the scale for my morning weigh in and I had officially hit the -20lbs mark! I was so pumped. I was starving all day yesterday though and couldn't control my munchies cravings. I told myself that I would high restrict to around 1200 and just give myself the day to reset, since I hit my first GW. Welp, 1200 turned into 1700 and regret set it in fast. I couldn't purge because my mom was home all day, and I never ate enough to really purge. I just ate many small meals throughout the day. I went to bed bloated, angry, and depressed. I woke up bloated, angry, and depressed... and fatter. I somehow managed to gain 5 lbs from 1700 calories. I know logically it doesn't make since, but I look and feel FAT!

I don't know why I let myself think it was ok to eat that much. I should've been studying more, not eating. FML. Now I have to work extra hard all week to make sure I don't fuck myself over again. I want to be below 200 by Halloween, and days like yesterday destroy nearly all my progress. I have to buckle down and be more serious about losing weight. I feel like such a failure today. I don't think I'll feel better again until I hit 220. Why did I eat all that food yesterday???

REGRET is overwhelming right now.


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