Thursday, August 10, 2017


Phew! So glad that yesterday paid off. Woke up and weighed 228 exactly. So pumped! I did have to dodge some questions by my trainer today. Today was our last day meeting for a while and she wanted to know why I lost nearly 15 pounds in two weeks... Oops. At least I won't have any more public weigh ins for a while.

School starts next week and I'm a bit nervous about how I am going to work out all the calories just yet. I have a general guide in mind, but I'm not sure how applicable it will be. Especially since I am taking yoga this semester and have class for 4.5 hours in a row. There will definitely be coffee involved. And as much as I hate to do it, I'll have to up my calories on a few days since they will be full class/work days. 12 hour days suck; I guess that's college for you lol.

I've decided Thursdays (starting next week) will be my official b/p day. I have a set routine I do on those days and I need like three hours at least to not feel rushed. And schedule wise, Thursday afternoons works best for me. Plus, it is the best way for my body to break a plateau/week of restricting. Again, I know, not healthy. But I really don't know if I care... I don't think I do.

See before I relapsed, I was at the suicidal point again. I hate feeling like that. I know for some people, their ED makes them suicidal. But for me, my ED sets me free. It gives me something to live for, something to control, something to focus on, a way to cope with all the other crap. I NEED this right now. Which is why I'm going to do everything to hide it and to feed it (excuse the pun).


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