Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Panic attacks

So I had my first panic attack since moving back in with my family. Wow it was bad. My sister A and I were arguing about my homework. Keep in mind I'm in college. She did agree to help me so I understand she wanted to make sure I got it done. But the way she approaches things sometimes makes me feel so insignificant. She's so much like mother it's unbearable at times. Anyway I overreacted because I kept all these emotions bottled up then they overflowed. We were downstairs hanging arguing and my mom comes out of her room to stare at me. I'm look at her and yell "what. What do you want?" there was no reason for tht. She didn't need to stare at me. I didn't need to yell at her, but she should mind her own fucking business. So she left and J my sisters wife got up and left. And that's when I had my panic attack. Yea so, my sister decides to say over and over how there is no need to have a panic attack and it's uncalled for, and I need to stop trying to get attention. She says all this while I can't breath. Then I tell her I can't control them, according to her yes I can. Wtf? Her opinion is my therapist should've taught me how to control them.
She did nothing to help me. And I couldn't escape. I wasn't in control. I have to be in control of myself. No food, no panic attacks, gotta be perfect. She has no idea how fucked up I still am. You would think someone with a psych degree would be more compassionate to someone having a panic attack. Oh wait I forgot. Sometimes A is a cold heartless bitch.

Anyway, I'll post thinspo tonight and try to blog more frequently.

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